If you guys have been following me closely this week you know we made a last minute trip up to Pennsylvania. By last minute, I mean booked a flight, had 30 minute to pack and mama was running through the airport with a toddler, 2 bags, a bulky stroller and a carseat. *Insert sweat and panic here.*
Luckily, we made our flight, the weather held out on the mountains for us to drive to my grandma while she is still with us (she is currently on hospice) and got to see her for a couple days.
On this trip, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and I’m been crying so hard all I could do was laugh. But the weirdest thing I’ve learned is that having someone stuck, seeing them in the in between is SO HARD. You wish them peace and rest, you want them to settle and sleep, but you don’t want that all at the same time. Seeing someone dying can make you feel so selfish. Seeing someone and not knowing if you’ll see them again is so strange, so hard.
But is it hard for you and for them, or just for you? I’ve been trying to be so selfless and let things happen. Let things be and live in the moment but your mind wonders away so fast and sadness comes on so quickly.
I guess it’s just easy to say, the in between is the hardest stange. My grandmother knew who I was, but a week ago she might not of, in a week she might not, in another week maybe she wouldn’t of been here. So the rushing, the sweating and the last minute trip was all worth it and for that I’m glad I didn’t live in the in between. Take the trip, drive the drive, ride the wave. You won’t want to just wish you did.